As I have transitioned hundreds of women in their careers and complete life transformations, there is one thing that is required FIRST, before all else -- CENTER YOUR LIFE ON YOU FIRST. Centering your life on you first, is not being self-centered. The common, and socialized myth, that we feel we should serve and put others before our own personal vision, purpose, and needs throws us into feeling unfilled, anxious, distressed, stressed, and ultimately BURNED OUT.
Are You Self Centered?
When I start working with individuals, the initial question I pose is, "What is your vision for your life?"
The responses vary, but generally fall into two categories of reciprocal questions: 1. What does having a life vision entail?
2. Wait, do I need to have a vision for my life?
What I often observe, particularly among women, is that they have lost themselves in the process of catering to everyone else's visions. They are definitely not self-centered. Individuals often feel like they exist solely to support others in achieving their dreams, desires, and helping them succeed in their goals. Rarely do I hear a clear articulation of their own personal aspirations and dreams.
The initial step towards any life transformation is gaining clarity on what you envision for your life. What do you want people to say about you when you look back? How much income do you aim to generate independently? What hobbies do you want to pursue? What kind of person do you want to be, and will you prioritize your health? How do you plan to realize these ambitions, and what emotions will you experience upon achieving them?
Centering On Yourself to Find Your Purpose
When asking, "What is your purpose?" specifically to women, the top answer is "to be a great mom."
My response, "Parenting is not your purpose." Parenting is a role, a wonderful and meaningful role that contributes to your overall well-being. However, parenting is not your life's purpose. Lots of people are parents and we should strive to enable and develop our families -- but focusing solely on family will leave you not centered, feeling depleted, and unfulfilled. I know this is not the popular answer, but needs to be said because within each one of you is a broader purpose. I have coached women who had felt lost once their children were raised, and face the realization they have no idea who they are or what to do. Now that they are no longer focusing on someone else, they are in crisis and feel fear, anxiety, and depression as they grapple to find their identity. They are saddened by the fact that they had lost so many years in their own development.
Each of us have a unique gift that can benefit the world, our personal super power. Yet, it often gets buried in distractions and other peoples priorities.
I shared this when speaking at an event a few years ago, and I had so many minds open coming to share all their buried powers ready to be unleashed on the world. One woman said, "I am so grateful, I now know my purpose and am going to go live it!" I asked what her purpose was and she said, "Quilting!" Oh wow, I would never have guessed this in a million years. She was now going to start a business that catered to the craft of quilting.
That is what is so amazing, we each have unique gifts that only we know what brings us energy, makes us excited, and can push us to our next step. It is bigger than our role in our relationships - spouse, friend, mother, sister, brother... remember, these roles not your life purpose.
Take time to REFLECT and TUNE IN
What is the vision you have for your life?
What is the purpose for your life?
Learn more in the full book and journal, and begin your life transformational journey as you dig into the Life-First Model. Book includes journaling questions, 30-day challenge, inspiring stories, and personal memoir will take you on a walk through of the life-first model.
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© Trina Celeste 2023
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